We don't either.
Who are We? The Feline Empire, of course.
Who am I?
I'm Blotts. The prettier one on the top, the one looking AT the shiny box. My brother, the idiot savant, is staring out the invisible forcefield into the world he cannot have. (Not that he'd know what to do with it if he HAD it but that's another story.)
It's Caturday today. Both my humans are home. They're in my way, on my furniture, taking up my space. But, they are both petting me, pampering me, worshiping me.
All is right with the world.
This morning, they engaged in this habit they have. I'm not sure why. Mommie puts this cloth around her and ties it on. Daddie puts tighter cloth on. It covers him all up. Mommie puts the same stuff on - but later. She does this TWICE. Very strange. I like the loose one she puts on first. It's black, or close enough to black for me. I think she calls it Navy Blue. It's black. I like black cloths. I can make them beautiful when I lay on them. I like to leave a memento of my visit to her lap. That way she can remember my favor when I ceased to favor her with my attentions. It's nice and soft, with lots of room to mess it about so I can get comfortable. When she and Daddie put them "pants" on, they're no good. Not enough room to move them around. This whole cloth thing confuses me anyway - and only serves to prove another theorem.
Cats are Superior.
I don't have to mess with cloth wrappings, loose or tight. Humans don't have my lovely fur. Inferior humans. Lucky we're here, otherwise you might think your way was better. I'm always dressed. And dressed superlatively well if I do say so myself. Basic tones, black and white, always in style.
While Mommie's still in her "robe" though, they sit down for food. At least they SAY it's food. They tried to trick us with some this morning, idiot boy and I. What crap, utter utter crap. "Frosting", HA! Silly, sticky, white goo with NO smell. Why in the world would I even THINK of putting that on my tongue. Who first tricked the silly humans with THAT nonsense. At least the silly sticky brownish tan goo has smell to it. I don't think that peanut goo has any good flavor to it, mind you, but at least it has smell. Silly things my humans eat. I'm not sure how they exist without us. I'm not sure they actually do though, exist without us I mean. My brother and I do our best to show them which foods to eat. I mean how much more can they expect from us? We like the dark brown semi-solid goo, that chocolate. I don't care WHAT wrappers they put that in to try and hide it, we can always find it! I mean, if we go the trouble of tearing open the big plastic bag wrapping (hello - no opposable thumbs here! Have you ever tried to open that stupid Ziploc with YOUR teeth? I thought not), next we carry it upstairs into their sleeping nest area. Then we present it to you, partially opened so you can eat it.
All they do is start yelling and throw it away! Something about bad kitty, no chocolate for you nonsense. It wasn't FOR me, dumb human.
I ate mine downstairs silly!
Oh, here comes Daddie. Can't scare him too badly. Last time he saw me with the keyboard, he got confused. Can't he tell the difference between sleeping and typing? Silly Daddie!
