I've been nice you know. Quiet, demure even. That's just not me, gotta tell ya. I try to be sweet. I try to be polite. I try to listen to the generalized ravings of the world and respond with clarity and patience, cause you know, I should.
Well, seriously...
FUCK THAT!
Now is the time for me to SHINE at what I do best...tell the world exactly how it's managed to frost my ass this frelling time!
Please, you should strap in - it's gonna be a bumpy ride!I'm getting dressed for work. I do that sometimes. I find that if I DON'T do that, what with the whole working in a medium security male prison thing, it makes for a somewhat more interesting day than I might have alternately planned for. So...I'm dressed. Downstairs. Making coffee. I do that too. Because...ditto...see above! Making coffee, drinking coffee, spilling coffee...
ALL DOWN THE FRONT OF MY FUCKING SHIRT!!!!!
Dammit it seven layers from Sunday, I'm late to begin with. Let me just dab off the excess and I'm out the door. You know what happens when you take THAT approach to messiness? It don't get cleaned, that's what! lol I'm starting my drive in and what do I notice? I smell like a fucking coffee beanery. I don't even LIKE coffee that much. I like my one cup in the morning, for the drive, and then one little styrofoam cup at work. That's it. Now I smell like I've bathed in L'eau du Juan Valdez. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Still driving...I've left late, hence the reason I'm wearing Juan's cast offs, but just how late am I?
FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!
I have no watch on.
Frell me dead. I can't do my day with no watch. How in the blazing holy hell of life am I supposed to know when to throw out the monkeyfucktard wizards sucking the milk of ever loving human kindness straight from the bite marks in my neck if I can't tell how long they've been in the office. Dammit all. I'm screwed.
Get to work, talking, listening, caring, curing, you know, I'm going the whole 9 here...manage to catch a break, open up email and what to my wandering eye should appear...but my notice that my certification is about to expire next year and I MIGHT wanna think about renewing it.
What is certification you ask?
It's that most noble of entities. That bastion of education that certifies that I know more than a little about my chosen field of experience. That sweet little piece of paper that cost me $300,000 in school loans, then another $2000 or so for the first initial cert, and now is gonna cost me another $1800 to renew.
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!I'm sorry...you tell me I have to take a test to prove I'm smart enough to not kill people, you tell me you're the only one who can adequately determine if I'm smart enough not to kill people, you tell me I've got to pay you $1800 so you can give me said test and then score it?!
Are the pages of this test made of pure dilithium crystals? Titanium, perhaps? Gold? God's short and curlies????
Is the scoring system based on a template carved directly into marble or granite?
Is it being hand scored by Madonna or Lindsay Lohan (both of whom may or may not be available at this moment?)
FUCKERY MOST FOUL that's what this is!
MOST HEINOUS FUCKERY indeed!
All I gotta say is I better pass this fucking thing first time out...I'm totally NOT paying the $1200 for the RETAKE exam fee too!
Soooo, then this would be a bad time to remind you that your associate (name I can't remember, but you introduced him to me in LV) told you to take said test in New Orleans this year and not to wait further than that? As I recall, he had indicated to wait was a bad idea because the amount of neurology on the test was going to increase. Maybe I misunderstood, but hell, that's what I seem to remember. Silver lining to this? Trip to New Orleans. Bad part of said silver lining? Won't be there to help you un-wind with lots of Huricaines and Hand Grenades (I recommend the mixed, not on the rocks). Also, definitely recommend stopping by for the Beignets, bin-nays, however the frell they're spelled. Try the coffee too, yummy yummy. Also, gumbo, red beans and rice, etc. also yummy.
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You know darn well you want to go get this thing. What probably has you the most pissed -off is the fact that you won't have the gang with you this trip and Vegas WAS so much (more) fun. I will Kit-Kit sit for you though.
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