A Tale of Caution, a Tale of Woe

Well, it's that time... See, when the kraut is done, it's time for SANTA KRAUT to make her appointed deliveries, lol. One jar to my sis and her husband, one to my folks. HMMMMMM, there appears to be 4 jars in that there photo...and only TWO got given away. I think that might indicate a sum overage in my favor! lol It's good to be the queen, I tell ya! lol

It also means it's that time again...

TIME TO MAKE THE KRAUT! lol

My honey just LOVES this part, lol! I told him I was gonna make it up. If I get some made now, it'll ferment and be ready for jarring right before my surgery (10-7-09 if anyone's counting). THAT means I'll be able to put the NEXT batch into the crock so it'll be fermenting while I'm recuperating. See, to me, that sounds like planning most extraordinary! Planning my mother would approve of and say "good girl, you were listening when I taught you all those lessons on planning" lol, or something like that.

What did my honey think of this planning???

"Um, how much of this stuff are you planning on making?"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

My response, you ask?? I'm planning on making a LOT! lol I figure I'm now in the business of making sauerkraut forever! When I brought the jar to my sis and her hubby, I told him that Santa Kraut was coming over to make a delivery. They both go gaga over the jar and he says he can't wait to try it. He almost feels like he could just open it and stick a fork in it. No, really, go ahead! lol They do, they LOVE it. (OR they are just playing it really cool and it's being fed to Toby the wondermutt as we speak! lol Nah, they wouldn't risk THAT much gaseous emission I should think! I wonder what the compost value is in sauerkraut?! lol) Nah, I josh. I know they liked it. In fact, my very healthy sis went out of the way to tell me how much organic folks will pay for entirely homemade, no additive added, raw sauerkraut. (Seriously, up to $10 a quart jar????? I made have to rethink this doctor crap, lol)

So, now I've got kraut gone and that means it's time to make the donuts...er...you know what I mean.

So, MBH and I get to work.

Or rather, I get to work. His job comes later...sort of.

Remember this was a tale of caution...woe...um, yeah.

THIS is a mandoline... Or, rather, this is a mandoline AFTER it's been used and is filthy with cabbage. You see that blade though? And that plastic safety tube? The one with the plastic safety feeder thingy in it? You're supposed to put the food into the tube and force it down toward the blade thereby keeping your fingers away from the blade.

Hmmm, keeping one's fingers away from the blade? lol Now, why would THAT be important? Oh, could it be...

Oh, God, the wailing, the gnashing of teeth. Who am I kidding, oh fuck the blood! lol I don't think that shot gives a really good accounting for the depth of the wound, the big ole CHUNK of flesh that is now only barely attached to my finger. I'm pretty sure it belongs there. I put it back. I came into the world with it and dammit I'm going out with it too! lol

Do I scream? No.

Do I yell? No.

I do however grab my hand and get it away from the food - FAST and go running upstairs where the bandaids are. Holding it tight and thinking the whole time, boy, THIS is gonna hurt when it occurs to my brain that I've cut almost the entire top corner of my thumb off, lol. Honey realizes movement is occurring and comes running. You ok? You good? What'd you do? Do you need a doctor?

THEN he sees it...Oh shit! You're gonna need stitches. You're dying. You're gonna bleed to death. Blood everywhere. It's spattering. You're gonna die here.

Ok, I might be overstating his response...but just a bit, lol!

I get it to stop bleeding, (sort of) and the krauting continues. But you know what...he won't let me near the mandoline now! lololololol Do you know what my honey insisted on?????

That's right boys and girls...check out THIS action shot! lol



And you know what else???????????????? It took him all of about 5 minutes to utter those famous words...Jesus this pushy down thingy is a pain in the ass! The food keeps getting stuck.

To which I smiled and just showed him my (barely) bleeding thumb. I've played with this one before. I KNOW it's a pain in the ass.

That left me with the only other job available if you're not the one cutting onions and cabbage...



LOL! Look at that boys and girls...real (almost) action lines showing I'm working like mad! lol

He still thinks making sauerkraut is silly...but he also admits it is DAMN worth the finished product! lolol

We also decided something else, very important...if Santa Kraut is going to be keeping the rest of the family in kraut in perpetuity...they're gonna need to get the hell over here and contribute to the labor!!!!!!!